Today, I would like to talk about changes. This semester has brought a lot of changes in my life, and I have had mixed feelings about them. The way I figure it, the best way to cope with something is to talk about it, so that is what I’m going to do.
The thing is, my changes aren’t really bad ones… they’re just life-changing. My world is not going to look like it has for the past three to four years, and even though that is a wonderful thing, it is also terrifying. I spent the last four years working toward graduating and starting my “adult life,” but now that it is actually beginning, I’m not sure how I feel about it.
My first big change is happening in about two weeks, when I officially move to Knoxville permanently. I don’t technically graduate until May, but my spring semester is solely reserved for my senior internships, which take place in Knoxville. Aside from not having to be on campus or attend classes, this brings about a couple of big changes in my life that make me feel both nauseated and excited. The first big change is that I will be in Knoxville living with my fiance permanently (whoa). While we have been together for five years, and done the whole living-together-thing for small blocks of time, knowing that I will be with him, essentially for the rest of my life, is mind-blowing. Trust me, I’m excited! I can’t wait! This is what we have been working towards! But… It’s hard not to worry about the future trials we will go through, or the fact that I am saying goodbye to the way I have lived for the past four years. Though I know Jared and I will be ok, and that the life we build together will be wonderful, I am worrier. I will continuously worry about the future until it actually happens. Then, I’ll be ok…or move on to another worry.
The next big change associated with moving to Knoxville is that I am going inactive in my sorority, Kappa Pi Omega. Being inactive doesn’t mean that I am not part of the sorority anymore; it just means that I won’t be attending sorority events or meetings that regular actives have to attend. This is really hard for me, because though I will see them again, in a way I am saying goodbye to my nine best friends. These are the girls that I vent to everyday, make crafts with, watch TV with, eat with, and lean on. These girls are the strongest support system I have ever had, and leaving them brings tears to my eyes. Leaving means that I am not losing them, but a way of life that I have gotten very comfortable in. I acknowledge that growth never occurs where one is comfortable, but that doesn’t make it any easier to change. From now on, I have to find my place in this world separate from the nine people that are usually by my side. My only consolation is that from being in this family, I know that I have grown to be strong and sassy enough to make it in this world. After all, I’m a Kappa.
The rest of the impending changes in my life are coming a little later, but I can hear the whistle of that change-train nonetheless. With graduation in May, I then have to find a job to support me and my future husband, get an apartment for just the two of us in August, and then get married in December. That means endless job hunting, paying bills, planning and buying things for the wedding, and furnishing an apartment… all of which revolve around actually finding a job. *Deep Breath* The good news is, I’ve got my best friend and husband-to-be to do it all with, and I know this will help us grow as a couple and a unit.
I have written all of this not only to share my worries, but also to reach out to all of the other seniors or people out there that are going through big life changes. I bet you a shiny quarter we have very similar worries, and from that I find comfort that I’m not alone in them. In one of my sister’s words, “You’re not a special snowflake, Ashley.” While I usually argue heatedly that I am a special snowflake, in this case I am happy to be stand next to the rest of the graduating seniors in this world. While most of us are probably a little nervous, we have also been educated and trained to go out into this world and conquer it. We got this.
He’s got it too!
Thank you to everyone for listening to my thoughts, I truly appreciate being able to share my experience with my readers. What kind of changes are you going through? Feel free to comment below!
Posted on November 21, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged apartments, changes, GRADUATING, husband, inactive, inspiration, internships, job hunting, leaving, life changes, Lincolm Memorial University, LMU, married, moving, senior, sorority, sorority. Greek Life, wedding, Working. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.